He’s untidy…I am neat
He’s aggressive…I am sweet
I dress smartly…he’s a slob
I wish he’d get a job!

I’m polite and he is he is rude
I’m genteel and he is crude
He is Labour, he is Tory
All the books he reads are gory.

I like giving…he is mean
He drops litter…I’ve gone green
I play Chopin…he plays noise
He stays out drinking with the boys.

I speak softly…he just yells
I love bathing…yes…he smells
I move quickly…he goes slow
He isn’t very nice to know

I am truthful…he tells lies
He is foolish…I am wise
I am gentle…he is rough
And I’ve really had enough

He is lazy…I’m his slave
I just want him to behave
But when all is said and done
I have to love him…he’s my son!